Publish meat sauce recipe

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+rss = "Ragù in a slow cooker"
+date = Date(2024, 10, 10)
+tags = ["lyf", "recipe"]
++++
+
+# Lazy Ragù
+
+Craving 'em red meat sauces but too busy?  Behold,
+a ragù recipe so well optimized it can boil the blood
+of every pizzaliano within a 35-centimetro radius.[^steffo]
+
+## Ingredients
+
+I like to think my sauce is somewhere between Bologna and Napoli
+even tho it sure ain't.  Imma list in the order of importance
+what I usually use down here, but please adjust according to your local market
+and preference, to quote chef Jean-Pierre:
+
+> If you don't have/like it, don't use it.
+
+1. 2 fist-sized [onyi]
+2. 1 big carrot
+3. A Gordon-Ramsey dash of cooking oil[^oil]
+4. 600 grammi of mince from any mammal[^long pork]
+5. 3 tomatoes[^tomato]
+6. Salt and pepper
+7. Half a bottle of drinkable red wine[^measure]
+8. 'bout the same amount of [stock]
+9. A few cloves of garlic
+10. A couple of ribs of celery
+11. Some [thyme] and basil, preferably fresh
+12. Some chili
+13. Paprika powder[^color]
+
+These should produce about 2 litri of sauce or 4–6 servings,[^frozen]
+for which some hard cheese(s) and butter are also nice to have.
+
+The following tools are also needed:
+
+1. Bowls (for storing the ingredients)
+2. Kitchen sink
+3. Knife and cutting board
+4. Fine grater (like for cheese or citrus jest)
+5. [Blender]
+6. Frying pan
+7. Spatula or ladle
+8. Sauce pan or pot
+9. Slow cooker
+
+## Base Prepping
+
+Peel, wash and finely dice the onyi and caramelize 'em in a pan
+with some oil under low heat.  Stir sparingly, this process takes
+over half an hour and should start before anything else.[^onyo]
+A wee of salt would help draw out the moisture and accelerate
+the caramelization, which happens well above the water's boiling point.
+
+In the meantime, wash the other vegetables, finely grate the carrot,
+peel and mince the garlic, and dice the celery.  When all done,
+transfer all to the pan and continue frying until the onyi are soft
+and lightly browned.
+
+## Broth Prepping
+
+While waiting for the base veggies to caramelize, reduce the wine
+in half in a sauce pan to get rid of the alcohol.
+
+Blend the tomatoes with the stock (it's supposed to be a purée without the peel
+but ain't nobody got time for that) and the rest of the spices.  Be conservative
+with the salt, you can always add more but it's much less easy to remove.
+
+## Meat Prepping
+
+Move the vegetables into the slow cooker from the pan and use it[^pronoun]
+sear the minced meat under medium heat until the bottom side is golden brown
+(no need to stir).  Parfry in multiple batches if necessary: if the pan
+is crowded it'd take much longer to reach the desired temperature
+for the [Maillard reaction].  Remember, _water is the enemy_,
+so leave it a way to retreat.[^retreat]
+
+## Cooking
+
+Scoop the meat into the slow cooker and pour in the reduced wine.
+Gradually add the tomato smoothie while mixing until the liquids barely
+covers the solids (add more stock if necessary).
+
+Turn the cooker on low and cook for 4–8 hours or until the meat is tender.
+
+## Serving
+
+Serve with short pasta or rice.  Grate in a generous amount of hard cheeses
+and drop in a smol slab of butter[^butter] and mix well for extra creaminess.
+Butter is an emulsion, so turn off the stove before adding it to avoid
+prevent the butterfat from separating.
+
+Plate with fresh basil and thyme and even moar grated cheese
+if you have any left.
+
+## Reflection
+
+The recipe is not that lazy to be handy, it nor differs from a normal ragù
+enough to be a rage bait, but I spent all that time typing it down
+so I decided to keep the original title for the clickbait values.
+
+[^steffo]: I'm sorry, Steffo, but thou can't stop me.
+[^oil]: Vegetable oil, animal fat or even butter, smoke point doesn't matter.
+[^long pork]: Yes, _any_ mammal.
+[^tomato]: If not ripe and soft, add a few spoons of tomato paste.
+[^measure]: Measure carefully!
+[^color]: Mostly for the color.
+[^frozen]: It'll last 17 years in the freezer, so just make a full pot.
+[^onyo]: Onyo is always number first!
+[^pronoun]: The pan, not the slow cooker.
+[^retreat]: 圍師必闕。
+[^butter]: Butter makes everything butter.
+
+[onyi]: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/oignon
+[stock]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stock
+[thyme]: https://xkcd.com/282
+[Blender]: https://www.blender.org
+[Maillard reaction]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maillard_reaction