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diff --git a/blog/metsrc.md b/blog/metsrc.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1940b07 --- /dev/null +++ b/blog/metsrc.md @@ -0,0 +1,122 @@ ++++ +rss = "Ragù in a slow cooker" +date = Date(2024, 10, 10) +tags = ["lyf", "recipe"] ++++ + +# Lazy Ragù + +Craving 'em red meat sauces but too busy? Behold, +a ragù recipe so well optimized it can boil the blood +of every pizzaliano within a 35-centimetro radius.[^steffo] + +## Ingredients + +I like to think my sauce is somewhere between Bologna and Napoli +even tho it sure ain't. Imma list in the order of importance +what I usually use down here, but please adjust according to your local market +and preference, to quote chef Jean-Pierre: + +> If you don't have/like it, don't use it. + +1. 2 fist-sized [onyi] +2. 1 big carrot +3. A Gordon-Ramsey dash of cooking oil[^oil] +4. 600 grammi of mince from any mammal[^long pork] +5. 3 tomatoes[^tomato] +6. Salt and pepper +7. Half a bottle of drinkable red wine[^measure] +8. 'bout the same amount of [stock] +9. A few cloves of garlic +10. A couple of ribs of celery +11. Some [thyme] and basil, preferably fresh +12. Some chili +13. Paprika powder[^color] + +These should produce about 2 litri of sauce or 4–6 servings,[^frozen] +for which some hard cheese(s) and butter are also nice to have. + +The following tools are also needed: + +1. Bowls (for storing the ingredients) +2. Kitchen sink +3. Knife and cutting board +4. Fine grater (like for cheese or citrus jest) +5. [Blender] +6. Frying pan +7. Spatula or ladle +8. Sauce pan or pot +9. Slow cooker + +## Base Prepping + +Peel, wash and finely dice the onyi and caramelize 'em in a pan +with some oil under low heat. Stir sparingly, this process takes +over half an hour and should start before anything else.[^onyo] +A wee of salt would help draw out the moisture and accelerate +the caramelization, which happens well above the water's boiling point. + +In the meantime, wash the other vegetables, finely grate the carrot, +peel and mince the garlic, and dice the celery. When all done, +transfer all to the pan and continue frying until the onyi are soft +and lightly browned. + +## Broth Prepping + +While waiting for the base veggies to caramelize, reduce the wine +in half in a sauce pan to get rid of the alcohol. + +Blend the tomatoes with the stock (it's supposed to be a purée without the peel +but ain't nobody got time for that) and the rest of the spices. Be conservative +with the salt, you can always add more but it's much less easy to remove. + +## Meat Prepping + +Move the vegetables into the slow cooker from the pan and use it[^pronoun] +sear the minced meat under medium heat until the bottom side is golden brown +(no need to stir). Parfry in multiple batches if necessary: if the pan +is crowded it'd take much longer to reach the desired temperature +for the [Maillard reaction]. Remember, _water is the enemy_, +so leave it a way to retreat.[^retreat] + +## Cooking + +Scoop the meat into the slow cooker and pour in the reduced wine. +Gradually add the tomato smoothie while mixing until the liquids barely +covers the solids (add more stock if necessary). + +Turn the cooker on low and cook for 4–8 hours or until the meat is tender. + +## Serving + +Serve with short pasta or rice. Grate in a generous amount of hard cheeses +and drop in a smol slab of butter[^butter] and mix well for extra creaminess. +Butter is an emulsion, so turn off the stove before adding it to avoid +prevent the butterfat from separating. + +Plate with fresh basil and thyme and even moar grated cheese +if you have any left. + +## Reflection + +The recipe is not that lazy to be handy, it nor differs from a normal ragù +enough to be a rage bait, but I spent all that time typing it down +so I decided to keep the original title for the clickbait values. + +[^steffo]: I'm sorry, Steffo, but thou can't stop me. +[^oil]: Vegetable oil, animal fat or even butter, smoke point doesn't matter. +[^long pork]: Yes, _any_ mammal. +[^tomato]: If not ripe and soft, add a few spoons of tomato paste. +[^measure]: Measure carefully! +[^color]: Mostly for the color. +[^frozen]: It'll last 17 years in the freezer, so just make a full pot. +[^onyo]: Onyo is always number first! +[^pronoun]: The pan, not the slow cooker. +[^retreat]: 圍師必闕。 +[^butter]: Butter makes everything butter. + +[onyi]: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/oignon +[stock]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stock +[thyme]: https://xkcd.com/282 +[Blender]: https://www.blender.org +[Maillard reaction]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maillard_reaction |